Condemned to Eternity Within a Cube, by Human Resources Nightmare

Condemned to Eternity Within a Cube

by Human Resources Nightmare

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puddnutz If Office Space were an edgy indie movie, I feel like not only would this be the soundtrack but the song titles would also be titles of the scenes. I love it. Favorite track: Technostress Computerslaughter.

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1.	Worldwide Business Management Contact Centres Incorporated 01:26	lyrics	buy track
Emily-0178: Welcome to worldwide business management contact centres incorporated! Get yourself a glass of water or a cup of coffee and sit down inside your very own cube. Get comfortable. Are you comfy yet? Let the load off of your tired shoulders and let the light behind your eyes fade away. You're going to be here for a very long time. Max: THIS IS GOING TO BE MY GRAVE ...It's nice to meet you, my name is Maxwell Richards and I work for Worldwide Business Management Contact Centres Incorporated.
2.	Human Resources Nightmare 01:38	lyrics	buy track
Max: HUMAN RESOURCES NIGHTMARE Don't let them hear you Just let them see you Show them your mask Never question or ask I AM A HUMAN RESOURCES NIGHTMARE I have seen HR running scared A bad dream in a shirt and tie And I am logged in till I fucking die Emily-0178: Good morning Mr Richards, please keep your voice down. This is a workplace environment and outbursts will not be tolerated under Section 4, Sub-section D, Heading 5 of your employment contract. Please sit down and begin your daily work. Have a great day and remember Worldwide Business Management Contact Centres Incorporated appreciates your contributions to its global business strategy. Max: ...sigh Max to audience: I've worked here at Worldwide Business Management Contact Centres Incorporated for... wow, has to be close to ten years now. Same position as day one too. Nothing has changed, but so much has changed. People come, people go, people... just transform into other people. It's like I'm in a milquetoast and sterile version of Hell.
3.	Killing Yourself to Live 00:57	lyrics	buy track
Max: Umm... Alright, um, 20... 40... 60... 65p for lunch. Gotta get that overtime Gonna get up, get in line Two hours early, here at 6 Four hours of sleep, nothing coffee won't fix I AM KILLING MYSELF TO LIVE DRAG MY CARCASS, BONES TO LIFT YOU ARE KILLING YOURSELF TO LIVE A SQUEEZED STONE HAS NOTHING TO GIVE Zzz... Zzz... Ah ah ah! Ho-holy shit, I've been here for 20 minutes and I'm already falling asleep.
4.	Shift Work, Shit Work 00:46	lyrics	buy track
Emily-0178: Mr Richards, next week's rota is as follows. Monday: 6AM to 6PM Tuesday: 7AM to 3PM Wednesday: 3PM to 11PM Thursday: 6AM to 6PM Friday: Day off. Saturday: 12PM to 8PM Sunday: 4PM to Midnight Max: Uhh... Um... Emily, can I ask a question? Hello? I guess not.
5.	You Work in a Call Centre Because You Have No Motivation 01:28	lyrics	buy track
Max: I work in a call centre Because I have no motivation What can I say, it pays the bills Too bad I'm jailed in the wage slave nation Max to audience: When I was a teenager I had a dream that I'd be a rockstar. I was pretty decent with a guitar back in those days. Lots of time to work on riffs and run scales. But then high school ended and I had to get a job. It was nice having some money, but at the same time, all that time I spent practicing slowly evaporated. I still play guitar today but only for an hour a two a week, instead of, you know, 8 hours a day. Oh well. The dreams of an idiot kid who doesn't know any better I guess.
6.	A Bum in a Seat 00:55	lyrics	buy track
Max: I'm just a bum in a seat A ratio of productivity I am a number I'm just a tick on a chart An ass in a chair ready to start Workforce: WORLDWIDE! BUSINESS! MANAGEMENT! CONTACT! CENTRES! INCORPORATED! Emily-0178: Productivity. Efficiency. Brand loyalty. Management servitude.
7.	Invested in Smashing Your Face In 01:06	lyrics	buy track
Max: I could not care less About your fucking vacation Max to audience: The last time I went on vacation, I went to a... metal festival in mainland Europe. I'm not gonna name it, but you can probably guess what it is. I had a lot of fun. Uh, saw some of my favourite bands, had a great time, ate some good food, drank some nice beers. It was, uh... it was a hell of a time. Sometimes you just need to... go on vacation, go on holiday and relax. By the way, this was in... 2006.
8.	Technostress Computerslaughter 01:19	lyrics	buy track
Emily-0178: Alert. Alert. Attention. Attention. There is a new message from Administrator-0178. Repeat: There is a new message from Administrator-0178. Failure to acknowledge the administrator's message will result in possible termination from employment. Or termination of your life. Administrator-0178: THIS IS YOUR ADMINISTRATOR. WORK UNTIL YOU DIE. OR YOU WILL BE KILLED. Max to himself: Every day is more of the same. They tell me to do this and do that. I mean, it's my job. It's why I'm here in the first place - why do they feel the need to... shout down at me to do the things I know I have to do???
9.	Getting Talked Down to Every Single Day 00:42	lyrics	buy track
Max to himself: I'm just so sick of this... I'm so tired. Sleep forever... Never dream... WAKE UP.
10.	Shirt and Tie 00:47	lyrics	buy track
Max: Shirt and tie, what a guy Dress the way they want you to Shirt and tie, want to die No more me, only you CONFORM TO SURVIVE CONFORM TO SURVIVE Shirt and tie, want to cry Bad back twisted just like a snake Shirt and tie, never try Only refuge is Monster and cake ...I want to fucking die.
11.	Going for a Piss Isn't Call Avoidance 00:48	lyrics	buy track
Dave Peacock: Ahh, I'm fuckin' bursting for a slash mate... Oh god, I can't hold it...! Emily-0178: Mr Peacock. You have abandoned your work station during the centre's most busy time. Please state your excuse for this transgression. Dave: Oh no, Emily... I'm sorry, I just need to go to the toilet and-- Emily-0178: This transgression cannot stand. Dave Peacock, thank you for your time at Worldwide Business Contact Centres Incorporated, it is time to die. Unleashing Employment Termination Laser. Die. Dave: Oh, no... Emi-Emily please, no... No please please... Emily. Emily--AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH dead
12.	A Day Within Forever 01:10	lyrics	buy track
Max: Infinite horizon Of countless cubes Hellish landscape Rows of cosmic tombstones Forever stretches outward Unable to grasp the length This is but a day Yet it drains me of my strength Max to audience: Have you ever spent a long period of the night just staring up at the sky? Staring up into that black expanse. Glancing occasionally at the tiny pin pricks of light before returning your vision back to the void? Imagine a cosmic ossuary of endless cubicles. As far as your eye can see... cubes. Cubes for countless human beings. Cubes for nameless human beings. Tombstones... for the wage slave.
13.	Don't You Dare (Update Social Media) 01:02	lyrics	buy track
Max: Logged in on time Can't lose a dime Unequalled stats Tune out the prats Din of annoyance Drone of compliance But don't you even dare To update Facebook there DON'T YOU EVEN FUCKING DARE They know your Facebook They know your Twitter They even know what time You sit down on the shitter So uninstall those apps While you have a crap Never question them It's not "if" but it is "when" DON'T YOU EVEN FUCKING DARE
14.	Thirty Minutes to Live 00:39	lyrics	buy track
Max: Oh boy. Lunch time. Time to spend my 65p on something nice. Like a sausage roll. Or a pack of biscuits. Hahaha, it's no wonder I'm fucking dying. I cannot afford nutrition So I get what I can afford Some pig anus or chicken dick Maybe some custard creams My body is killing itself Eating itself alive Consumption from the inside I am a shambling carcass
15.	Condemned to Eternity Within a Cube 00:44	lyrics	buy track
Administrator-0178: ALERT. ALERT. ATTENTION. ATTENTION. THIS IS THE ADMINISTRATOR SPEAKING. THIS IS YOUR DAILY REMINDER. THAT IF YOU WORK HARD ENOUGH... YOU ARE HERE FOREVER EVEN AFTER YOU DIE YOUR LIFE WILL BE SEVERED AND YOUR SPIRIT KEPT ALIVE OUT HERE DEEP IN SPACE YOUR MIND IS KEPT ALIVE SPIRITS WITHOUT FACES WORKING LONG AFTER THEY'VE DIED
16.	New Starters 00:41	lyrics	buy track
Clone 1: Hi I'm John I start today. Clone 2: Hi I'm Jake I start today. Clone 3: Hi I'm Joe I start today. Clone 4: Hi I'm Jay I start today. Max: Clone upon clone Total mapping of the worker's genome All hatched from a tube Programmed with the perfect attitude See them working Overworking See them falling Admin calling The model employee Never needs to pee Clocked in right on time And only clock out when they die
17.	Piss on the Seat 01:02	lyrics	buy track
Max: Again and again Day after day Piss on the seat This isn't okay Piss on the seat Under my feet I just need to pee What are you assholes doing to me The fuckers can't aim They're so fucking lame Day after day Always the same Piss on the seat Under my feet I just need to pee What are you assholes doing to me
18.	Strangled to Death by Red Tape 00:52	lyrics	buy track
Max: Okay I need Tuesday off, but I've... had... one of the last nine Tuesdays off already... So I'm gonna have to... do double OT on Wednesday... and come in early on Thursday... which... means I'll have to sacrifice how many holiday days...? Please I need a day off I have a doctor's appointment I'll use one of my holiday days If I have any of them left ...Oh. I don't have any holiday days left. Okay, thanks anyway.
19.	You're Always Tired Because You're Always Depressed 01:03	lyrics	buy track
Max to audience: Sometimes I have these recurring nightmares. These nightmares are about high school. Being late... starting a new semester and not knowing where my classes are... or not knowing the location or the number for my locker. It all stems from... being bullied in school. And now despite the fact I'm in my late 30s, I still have... recurring nightmares about being a teenager.
20.	Bad Back 00:54	lyrics	buy track
Max: Relentless... Twisted like a snake My back is so fucked I'm being snapped in two My spine is going to bust Unrelenting suffering My neck My back My anxiety attack Agh, no really, my back is so fucked. I really need to go and see, agh... a doctor about this, but... I just can't get any time off. Agh, and if I take any more sick days, they're gonna... agh, fucking sack me, so... I'm just gonna have to live with it. ...At least until I die.
21.	Strict Dress Code 00:45	lyrics	buy track
Max: Sharp dressed man Just trying to live my life fam Dress for the job you want Let me crawl into this casket Emily-0178: Attention all employees We have been forced to further restrict the dress code Please know that this will go into effect immediately The Employment Termination Laser will now be unfettered pew pew
22.	Today's End 00:42	lyrics	buy track
Emily-0178: Mr Richards. Your shift has concluded. You may now leave. But please consider working 10 hours of overtime. Max: Yeah... I don't think so. See you later, see you tomorrow, bye. Time to clock out Time to go home Time to sleep Nothing to eat Time to cry Hope to god I'll die
23.	Maxed the Fuck Out (Debt Metal) 00:46	lyrics	buy track
Max: The work day is finally over But the pain does not end here My bank account is overdrawn No cash for food let alone a beer ...Oh. I don't have enough to cover rent this month.
24.	Text From the Landlord 00:42	lyrics	buy track
Max: Oh okay, and if things couldn't get any worse, it's a text message from... the landlord. I got a text From the landlord Missed rent last month And I'm gonna miss it again Landlord's text: Mr Richards Rent is due tomorrow And you still haven't paid for last month If you don't pay both months by tomorrow You're evicted
25.	Same Story Every Day 00:40	lyrics	buy track
Max: Every day More of the same Cannot hold on When my wages are gone ...sigh
26.	Long Walk Home 00:21	lyrics	buy track
Max: It's a 45 minute walk home Why not ride the bus? You know the answer already I can't afford it Pedestrians: oh my god did you see that man he just got hit by a bus
27.	The Unending Struggle Under Capitalism 00:57	lyrics	buy track
Doctor: Ooh Look at this poor man, his body is broken, his face has been smashed in His bones are all shattered, his spine has been splattered, what a terrible sin It's going to take quite a number of complex and expensive surgeries to-- Oh wait he's absolutely broke? Toss this carcass out in the trash
28.	Overtime Underground 01:21	lyrics	buy track
Max(???): ...Ahh! Oh wait. I'm... Oh my god, I'm alive. Emily-0178: That is correct Mr Richards. You may have died, but your contract with Worldwide Business Management Contact Centres Incorporated has not ended. We cannot allow you to die and wiggle out of your contract. We bought your corpse after you died as you were unable to pay for any medical coverage. And now that we literally own you... You will work for us... forever. Robo-Max: I have been resurrected To push pens for eternity But now I'm programmed to be vigilant They are moving forward with me Locked inside this tiny cube I work 24 hours a day No benefits, no vacation Slaves don't deserve a living wage
29.	No Time to Die 01:35	lyrics	buy track
Robo-Max: Reguritating the Corporate Mantra for eternity Max: I am still here... I am still here!!! I AM STILL HERE!!!!! Administrator-0178: THIS IS THE DAWN OF ETERNITY THIS IS THE END OF HUMANITY MAN IS BORN TO STRUGGLE MAN IS BORN TO SUFFER EVERY SINGLE HUMAN BEING NEVER HEARING, FEELING, OR SEEING MAN HAS FADED AWAY SLAVERY RUNS THE WORLD TODAY CAPITALISM WINS

about

Human Resources Nightmare came into being in 2009 when frontman Maxwell “Max Dick” Richards formed the band as a way to alleviate the stress brought on from working in a chaotic office day job. Combining frenetic grind, crushing death metal, and introspective spoken word segues, CONDEMNED TO ETERNITY WITHIN A CUBE is the semi-autobiographical story of Richards's day job (with a sci-fi twist.)

credits

released December 6, 2019

>> THE BAND
Maxwell "Max Dick" Richards - Guitars and vocals
Debt Leppard - Guitars
Stuart "Man Stew" Mann - Bass
Wretchardo Thundercunt - Drums

>> THE CHARACTERS
Maxwell Richards:
Our exhausted hero. Has worked at Worldwide Business Contact Centres Incorporated for... what feels like 9000 years.

Emily-0178:
The computer mainframe that "guides" WBMCCI on a daily basis. She is the 178th iteration built for the 178th WBMCCI Centre.

Administrator-0178:
The Enhanced AI that oversees all operations of WBMCCI. Not nice.

>> MINOR CHARACTERS
Dave Peacock
New starter clones
The NHS - Haha, just kidding, it doesn't exist
Max's landlord. Not nice.